Here's the question: would you like to know the precise date of your death? Death is one of only a few absolute certainties in life - yet it's probably the one thing that is feared the most. Sure enough, your answer to this question would change everything - your life wouldn't be the same.
If you had the chance to know, even if you turned it down, would you think about it from time to time? Would you regret and ponder your choice down the road, especially as you got older? If you said yes, it would have the biggest impact. Many of your life's actions and plans would take a drastically different route - based on the THE date.
If you did know, you'd be able to plan ahead - you could make sure you left no loose ends. You could actually make your will and have it be up to date. You could arrange your own funeral and burial plans. You'd worry less about what you ate, what you shouldn't or couldn't do - you'd put off less - you might try sky diving, scuba diving, mountain climbing - why not? You could get the most of your life before you knew it was "your time."
You could make sure you wrote down all the stories you wanted to leave behind. You could make sure you traveled and saw the world. You could spend all the money you have saved up and budget it until the very last day. You could say goodbye to each and every family member or person that was close to you.
Clearly, this is the easy choice, right? Only if you say yes, could you handle it? Say you found out today, would you tell anyone? Would you wait to tell your family and friends - and if so, how long? Imagine how hard it would be to keep this sort of information to yourself.
I think that knowing your "date" would put an unbelievable responsibility on yourself. You'd be armed with information that I think could easily destroy you. This choice would change you - perhaps fundamentally at the core. Would you become a different person - someone you wouldn't want to be? What if you used the info for evil? You could borrow a ton of money right before you died, max out all your credit and live it up. You could take out an enormous insurance policy the day before and leave a fortune to your family. You could live without certain consequences because you would know when it would all end for you.
The hard part is, I think that many people may not know if they could handle it or not. You'd have to be pretty damn self-aware and strong. Once you say yes, you have the chains around your neck - you can't go back - there would be no forgetting the date. I think this fear is why most people answer no to the question.
For me, I think I could handle it. I would want to know. I'd keep the date close - closer than anything. I would choose not to share it with anyone or reveal that I knew - probably right up until the day I said my goodbyes. I know it would tear at me, it would give me many sleepless nights, especially as it got closer. It might torment me and push me to the very edge of my mental and emotional sanity. But I believe the rewards would be worth it.
I'm more afraid of not getting a chance to say goodbye - to not get a chance to make sure I leave my mark on this world than I am about death. Again, death is inevitable. This would help me to find a greater courage in my life - I think I would live my life with little or no regret - even more than I do now. Besides, I'm a very good planner, so my life would be one great big calendar and I'd make sure I made time for everything I want to do. Besides, I could put off updating my will...
Is the fear of knowing more powerful than the fear of death itself? What would you do if given the choice - I'd love to know...
Monday, February 16, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Art Gallery of You
Who are you ? Are you who you paint yourself to be or how others would interpret you? This one is really interesting for me. I think we'd all agree that each of us wants to find happiness - to get to a place where we are content and satisfied with our life.
I work to put myself in a place where I like who I am - to where I am happy more than not - where I believe in the actions that I take and the words that I speak and the way I carry my life. Your own happiness matters first and foremost right? Well for most people that's true. For some, that could be seen as selfish. Then there's a host of people that give up their own happiness to make others happy - you know these types - charity workers, ministers, volunteers, a child taking care of an elderly or sick parent - you probably play that role here and there every day as well. We call them self-less and we praise them for their ability to sacrifice on another's behalf. We GAIN happiness through sacrifice sometimes - sometimes not. But many of us are inclined to do it from time to time.
I hold values that I think are really good and strong - some I was taught - others I've learned thru experience. But here's the interesting thing. What inevitably is more important - the way I view myself or the way others view me? Be careful before you rush to answer. When I've asked people this question and given them no time to think, they almost always blurt out "who cares what others think - it only matters if you're happy." That's the easy answer - it's the answer from someone that wants to feel strong and empowered - someone that thinks they are immune to conformity and societal pressure - someone that is resistant to being type-casted - someone that can break and rebuild connections and ties easily with others. Now truthfully, who is that?
If Charles Manson thought of himself as a really good person - if Hitler thought that all his actions were done for good and he was proud of himself and thought he had found his ideal state of being, does that matter? Do we look back on the harm that was done and say, "well, at least he was happy." Like it or not, we are judged by everyone that knows us - everyone that surrounds us. Many of these people are just passer-byers in our lives - they get just a glimpse of each of us - based on a very limited set of words or actions - and they take that impression of us with them wherever they go. They put it in their mental pocket - and the next time they see us - if they do - they can pull it out and have an entire impression of us (as incorrect as it might be).
It's a straining thought for me - but I can't help but wonder if it's almost MORE important how we are perceived from everyone around us then how we perceive ourselves. If you think you're an angel and live your life according to your own personal creed - one that you've created and you swear by - and at the end of your life, on your deathbed, you feel happiness as you die - but then, the people that know you and love you - family, friends, co-workers, etc. - these people think you're a horrible person - which one really matters more? You're long gone - you're dead. You're sense of internal happiness goes with you. It doesn't linger in others - it's personal. Doesn't matter if you were really proud of yourself. Now all these people, more lives than your own, have an opinion of you - you've left a legacy behind. If it's a negative one, does your own personal happiness matter at that point? Perhaps how you're interpreted carries a much more long lasting impact than how you see yourself?
Another example: say there's someone that is tortured inside - they truly don't have happiness, for whatever the reason. But they don't show it - they keep it bottled up inside, and instead they are warm and caring. They are non-confrontational with others - they always reach out their hand to help. They go out of their way to be a better citizen to the community, a better friend to those that they love and a better family member to spite their own personal interests. And they die with incredible sadness in their heart and issues unresolved. They are gone. Their pain is gone too.
They will not be remembered for what they were inside - they've painted a picture of themselves in a light where their legacy will last longer and give others much more happiness in the long run. A martyr? Perhaps...is it worth it for such sacrifice to your own being? Giving up yourself - part of yourself - to ensure a long lasting reputation while you're on the earth and long gone? I don't know - ask yourself what's more important to you.
Maybe you'd respond "Be a good person and others will see you as a good person as well". That's also not true. Perhaps what you think is good is not what others think is good. If we were all able to agree on a universal moral code, people wouldn't treat each other like crap all the time. We wouldn't get stabbed in the back and someone wouldn't squash you for their own self advancement. For every person giving up their happiness for another, there is probably at least one more looking out only for themselves at another's expense.
You might also respond that it's a balance - do a little of both - all things in moderation. That's probably what we all try to do - we all try to find happiness most of the time and try to generate a reputation where we are perceived as we would perceive ourselves. But if given a chance to make a decision - maybe a vital one in our lives - where we had to choose "for me" vs. "for my reputation" - which would you choose? And if you chose for yourself, would you look back and consider it selfish? Do you care? I think even if you trick yourself into thinking it doesn't matter - that you don't care - that it does matter. Because it might shape someone's else's perception of you - your choice, especially in the most vital of situations helps paint someone else's picture of you - one that they are working on during a lifetime of knowing you.
We carry a brush to paint our own story - but others have brushes too - and what they paint is based heavily on what paint you decide to give them. Give them only black, and your picture will be very dark.
When you're long gone, and the only thing left is a bunch of these paintings of you, will it matter how you're remembered? I think my legacy is extremely vital to me. I think about it all the time. I choose sacrifice over selfishness more times than not. I do for my wife - I do for my children - I do for my friends - I do for my family - I do it because I love them and care for them - but I also do it because I'm painting their pictures of me. And how I'm seen in their eyes matters more right now that I how I see myself. I just don't want to be someone where people say "he was happy and that's all that mattered." I want to have an impact on this world - on those that know me - for good. I want to be remembered for the impressions I've made.
Now I just have to figure out how to do that when everyone's interpretation of me can be different. It's hard work and I'm still working on that one...
I work to put myself in a place where I like who I am - to where I am happy more than not - where I believe in the actions that I take and the words that I speak and the way I carry my life. Your own happiness matters first and foremost right? Well for most people that's true. For some, that could be seen as selfish. Then there's a host of people that give up their own happiness to make others happy - you know these types - charity workers, ministers, volunteers, a child taking care of an elderly or sick parent - you probably play that role here and there every day as well. We call them self-less and we praise them for their ability to sacrifice on another's behalf. We GAIN happiness through sacrifice sometimes - sometimes not. But many of us are inclined to do it from time to time.
I hold values that I think are really good and strong - some I was taught - others I've learned thru experience. But here's the interesting thing. What inevitably is more important - the way I view myself or the way others view me? Be careful before you rush to answer. When I've asked people this question and given them no time to think, they almost always blurt out "who cares what others think - it only matters if you're happy." That's the easy answer - it's the answer from someone that wants to feel strong and empowered - someone that thinks they are immune to conformity and societal pressure - someone that is resistant to being type-casted - someone that can break and rebuild connections and ties easily with others. Now truthfully, who is that?
If Charles Manson thought of himself as a really good person - if Hitler thought that all his actions were done for good and he was proud of himself and thought he had found his ideal state of being, does that matter? Do we look back on the harm that was done and say, "well, at least he was happy." Like it or not, we are judged by everyone that knows us - everyone that surrounds us. Many of these people are just passer-byers in our lives - they get just a glimpse of each of us - based on a very limited set of words or actions - and they take that impression of us with them wherever they go. They put it in their mental pocket - and the next time they see us - if they do - they can pull it out and have an entire impression of us (as incorrect as it might be).
It's a straining thought for me - but I can't help but wonder if it's almost MORE important how we are perceived from everyone around us then how we perceive ourselves. If you think you're an angel and live your life according to your own personal creed - one that you've created and you swear by - and at the end of your life, on your deathbed, you feel happiness as you die - but then, the people that know you and love you - family, friends, co-workers, etc. - these people think you're a horrible person - which one really matters more? You're long gone - you're dead. You're sense of internal happiness goes with you. It doesn't linger in others - it's personal. Doesn't matter if you were really proud of yourself. Now all these people, more lives than your own, have an opinion of you - you've left a legacy behind. If it's a negative one, does your own personal happiness matter at that point? Perhaps how you're interpreted carries a much more long lasting impact than how you see yourself?
Another example: say there's someone that is tortured inside - they truly don't have happiness, for whatever the reason. But they don't show it - they keep it bottled up inside, and instead they are warm and caring. They are non-confrontational with others - they always reach out their hand to help. They go out of their way to be a better citizen to the community, a better friend to those that they love and a better family member to spite their own personal interests. And they die with incredible sadness in their heart and issues unresolved. They are gone. Their pain is gone too.
They will not be remembered for what they were inside - they've painted a picture of themselves in a light where their legacy will last longer and give others much more happiness in the long run. A martyr? Perhaps...is it worth it for such sacrifice to your own being? Giving up yourself - part of yourself - to ensure a long lasting reputation while you're on the earth and long gone? I don't know - ask yourself what's more important to you.
Maybe you'd respond "Be a good person and others will see you as a good person as well". That's also not true. Perhaps what you think is good is not what others think is good. If we were all able to agree on a universal moral code, people wouldn't treat each other like crap all the time. We wouldn't get stabbed in the back and someone wouldn't squash you for their own self advancement. For every person giving up their happiness for another, there is probably at least one more looking out only for themselves at another's expense.
You might also respond that it's a balance - do a little of both - all things in moderation. That's probably what we all try to do - we all try to find happiness most of the time and try to generate a reputation where we are perceived as we would perceive ourselves. But if given a chance to make a decision - maybe a vital one in our lives - where we had to choose "for me" vs. "for my reputation" - which would you choose? And if you chose for yourself, would you look back and consider it selfish? Do you care? I think even if you trick yourself into thinking it doesn't matter - that you don't care - that it does matter. Because it might shape someone's else's perception of you - your choice, especially in the most vital of situations helps paint someone else's picture of you - one that they are working on during a lifetime of knowing you.
We carry a brush to paint our own story - but others have brushes too - and what they paint is based heavily on what paint you decide to give them. Give them only black, and your picture will be very dark.
When you're long gone, and the only thing left is a bunch of these paintings of you, will it matter how you're remembered? I think my legacy is extremely vital to me. I think about it all the time. I choose sacrifice over selfishness more times than not. I do for my wife - I do for my children - I do for my friends - I do for my family - I do it because I love them and care for them - but I also do it because I'm painting their pictures of me. And how I'm seen in their eyes matters more right now that I how I see myself. I just don't want to be someone where people say "he was happy and that's all that mattered." I want to have an impact on this world - on those that know me - for good. I want to be remembered for the impressions I've made.
Now I just have to figure out how to do that when everyone's interpretation of me can be different. It's hard work and I'm still working on that one...
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