Random Thoughts

Crazy when I looked back and saw that my last blog post was all the way back in March. When I think about all the stuff that has happened in my life - all the change that has taken place (uprooting my family, switching jobs, etc.) - and the many things I've contemplated - it's enough to fill a thousand pages.

So for this post, I just need to get back into the swing. I'm going to just post a whole bunch of thoughts just to get the blood flowing and I promise to make my blogging a more consistent event - and less random in the future.

But for now...Random Thoughts:

I really miss blogging. When I started doing this, I questioned my motivation a bit. I wondered what part of my ego needed a forum for expression. I wondered who would be interested in what I had to say - and even more so, who would want to contribute to conversations I started? I was reluctant because it seemed a bit self-indulgent. But now that I've deprived myself of this for so long, I realize, I not only miss it - I need it. It probably is very selfish. Not sure about other people, but for me, it's vital for me to feed my brain - to discuss topics that shatter my perception of things - that make me think beyond what I know or understand - to challenge me and give me an outlet to express myself and hear what others have to say.

I feel even more addicted to great conversation. I've started this thing with my team at work where we go to lunch every week and each time one person gets to choose a topic to discuss over grub. It can be anything - truly, anything. And it's one of the best moments of the week for me- we've started to hit all kinds of crazy stuff and I love it. I've been pondering many things that I'm sure will end up on this blog in the future.

The same applies to movies and books - I want to read more and more about things that blow up my current thinking. I just dropped a whole bunch of books on my wish list about life after death, spirituality - that sort of thing. I've also been listening to a great book on CD called New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I think I'm more Buddhist than I ever could have imagined. I will write a separate post on this because this moved me enough that it's worth discussing in a group - especially about how you define yourself.

How do you define yourself? What is your identity - if you strip away your ego and the many roles you play all day - and get to your true sub-conscience, what would you find?

I asked someone recently, "do you think that if you had to describe to someone how you feel - how you really feel deep inside of you - that you could do it using your words, body and expressions? How much of what you really feel do you think you could relay? What's the confidence that the other person REALLY knows how you feel when you're done?" I answered matter-of-factly 0% all the time. Our words and expressions are much too limited to truly describe a "feeling" that I have in my opinion. I feel so restricted by the use of language, by my hands, my expressions, my tears, laughter or smile - there's so much more to what I'm feeling - based on a history of experiences, emotions and thoughts.

When you buy a new house or get ready to sell one - people often make "the list" - you know, the list of all the crap that needs to get done - room by room - including painting, cleaning, and other to-dos - in order to feel that the house is perfect. Over time, homeowners chip away at the list as they find time or money and slowly make the house better. Do you have "a list" for yourself? I do - I always have and I always evaluate it and refactor it. I thought everyone had such a list - one that has the list of things they want to improve on - from physical things (lose weight) to emotional or mental things (listen more, learn how to get past things that haunt you, etc.) I wonder if I'm in the minority here...I think I am.

Football is truly the best sport on the planet. 11 guys have to do exactly the right thing, all at the same time, against another 11 guys for a play to be successful. It's as much about the game planning, the film watching and the joint execution as anything else. So many other sports, one phenomenal athlete can bring a team victory - but in football, it takes much more. It's a chess game on every play, over and over - I love surrounding myself with people that can appreciate this. People that dismiss the sport out of pocket are just ignorant.

I am always looking to listen to new music. At least a few times a week I dig around for some new stuff to listen to. But so little satisfies me. Also can't help but notice that when I'm stuck at work and have to put something on that can repeat for hours at a time, it's always the same few artists I come back to - some artists just have that "infinite repeat" quality I guess...?

I LOVE great food - I've become even pickier with my food than ever. I just have developed an amazing taste for the best stuff - I'm obsessed with it. One of the great luxuries about living with your in-laws is the ability to get out on Friday nights when the kids are asleep. My wife and I have made it a habit of trying new food - and we do our research. We've stepped it up a notch big time - trying all kinds of new cuisines and restaurants - highly rated, small places - great atmosphere, individually prepared - great flavors. This alone is why I will never move too far from where I am now - I just can't stomach Pizza Hut or chain food anymore.

I need to write music again. I miss it. I wonder if all these months on hiatus mean all the great ideas are harboring in there and they will all come out in a burst of creative explosion when I sit down, pick up the guitar and give it a go? Seriously, I need to play, write and sing. I also want to buy a real piano when I get my house - a baby grand for sure if I could afford it and had room.

I have a dream one day of being in an acapella band one day - I've always wondered if I could hold my own. Not barber shop - maybe a choir would do it - but not through the church. Something though where I get to sing as part of a group. I love team activities.

I want to ref football when my body gives out and I can't play anymore. I'd even love to go and get training and become a high school or college football ref.

I want to get a dog so badly. I feel a strong connection to dogs- like other people just don't get them - but I do. Not true - just I feel that way sometimes. I feel like there's a dog somewhere out there that needs me. I love when a dog hops up on the couch or the bed next to you and falls asleep right next to you.

Alright, I'm done for now. Lots of other stuff to come. Back to more targeted topics going forward....