Atheism: Reflection

So, I wrote the post on where I stand religiously. I opened the door - knowingly - and my life has changed. I have to say - I was really happy to have so many people reach out to me to comment about what I had to say - either through a blog comment, Facebook comment, or email (I received a ton) - but I was taken aback a little by how many negative comments I did receive. All in all, I have regret now - and that's hard for me to deal with. Because I'd like to live in a world where I can say what I feel - what I think - and even if you completely disagree with it - I can be respected and given a chance to discuss any topic openly. Most people were clear that they would see me differently but were respectful of where I stand on religion - others, not so much.

In reading back what I wrote, and evident by the comments I received, I struck a few very sour notes - the "weak" statement and the statement about "everyone being an Atheist" really hit home for most people. I understand that someone's religion is about as close to a person as anything - it's like family. No one comes out and says something mean about someone's kid or anything - so I get that it was taken to heart. Again, in looking back, my tone was angrier and more negative than I would have liked - and I have decided to put this additional post out there to address some of the things I've received and to provide a little more insight into how I feel. It is important for me to continue this conversation and not let it end where it stands now.

It became clear to me that people perceived my view as a righteous one - and that is absolutely not how I feel. I have complete respect for people of faith - I actually believe in my heart that people who do believe and do pray live a better life than me. They have something that guides them - they have more hope and strength - in times of sorrow, pain and in times of happiness as well. I think people get more out of life who feel connected to a religion - especially if it involves a community or service. I wish I had more faith - I really do.

But I don't. I do have a lot of spirituality - I believe in the soul and that when we die, our soul does not die. I believe that there are many forces that control our lives and influence decisions we make or are capable of making - I believe in supernatural events and I believe that we will never be able to explain everything that happens between us or why things happen. However, I don't believe in a theistic God - where man was made in his image. I don't believe in organized religion based on the bible or other religious literature. I don't believe that there's a force/man/person/thing somewhere that created man, listens to our prayers, and makes decisions on our behalf - in the past, now or ever.

I understand why people believe. In addition to the many benefits religion provides, there is a basic human need for it. I don't think we, as the human race, could ever live without it - nor will we. From the beginning of time - humans have believed in a God or many Gods. I don't think that will ever change nor am I pushing for that change or think we'd be better off for it. In fact, I think religion is expanding even more - beyond the walls of an organized "church". People are taking what they want from their religion and leaving behind a little more of what the masses are doing. That is a great thing to me because it becomes more likely for people to get more from their faith and practice than just going through the motions (unfortunately, as many do).

I know many people that hold their religous beliefs extremely close to their heart. Religion guides their lives - I know for many of these people, no matter what I write on being atheist, they will not understand me deep down - they will feel that I have no right to attack their belief system or place judgement. Again, I want to be absolutely clear here - I'm not judging. If it came across that way, I deeply apologize. I don't think you're wrong for believing and as I've said many times, I don't think I'm better off.

However, at the same time, what I stated in my blog is what I truly believe. I did not write it for shock value though I can see how it would be perceived that way. I admit that I may be wrong and may change my mind one day (I never, ever claimed to be absolutely certain and unwavering in my beliefs or opinions on almost anything - we all evolve over time - I'm still doing so) - and I accept others for disagreeing. I really do believe, though, that if a person stopped their current line of thought - spent time (months, years even) breaking down the walls that have been put up - either by society, the community, family or themselves - and looked at the facts - stacked up each religion against each other, the assumptions and statements made in scriptures - the enormous list of contradictions between faiths and intra-faith - tried to evaluate and understand what the "church" tells you - looked at the hypocrisies (Again, I have no intent to bash a specific religion - but one quick example would be the Christian church - for telling you thou shalt not kill or judge - but Christians went out and killed many, many people mercilessly: a quick reference http://www.markhumphrys.com/christianity.killings.html), the abuse of power - the corruption - I think if any person found a true independent perspective, that they would see things differently. I think the argument against religion becomes much clearer - to me, overwhelmingly so - but that's why I am where I am now. I've taken this journey there. I called people weak for not taking the journey because I think many people are scared to do it - it's not easy - it's draining, painful, and in the end - you will put yourself to the test. You will challenge what's at your core - and if you end up where I did, you won't be any better off for it. So why do it? I ask myself that question all the time. Like I said, I often wish I hadn't.

I think if you can look me in the eye and say you've taken the journey and still believe what you believe - that you stand where you stood before you did this - than I applaud you and I'm happy for you. As I've said, at that point, I still have a very difficult time seeing things the way you see them - I would agree to disagree with you. If you have no interest in taking the journey, it's your right - it's not my place to tell you to do it. In my mind, most people have not taken this journey nor will they ever do it. Again, it's human nature.

There's nothing wrong with people being in a different place than me - I welcome it and I've thoroughly enjoyed some of the great conversations I've had with people of faith - in the past, and especially now that I've opened the door. I enjoy reading about different religions - I'm fascinated in what people believe and why and I constantly try to learn more about the topic. This will continue to be an interest of mine throughout my lifetime - and my view of things may be drastically different over time than it is now as I continue to learn and explore my faith and others'.

My intent in my original post - and hopefully clearer now - is that I wanted to share my religious views - my take on the world. I think I'm not alone in what I think and feel - I'm not afraid to be different - and like other topics on this blog, I wanted to get deep into things that matter. I WANT to discuss religion - we all should have the right to say how we feel, what's important to us, what we believe, and share the dialog with others. If your religion is very private to you, I respect that as well. Don't participate - it's completely optional. Remember, it is MY blog - I'm not going around knocking on doors and making you read it. I would LOVE for you to contribute to the conversation, as many of you have - either through comment, email or chat in person.

Our society is so tight - we all hold so many things too close - there's too many taboo topics. Religion has clearly been on the top of many lists forever - it's probably at the very top of my families' list - along with politics. It makes me sad that when the conversation starts on it, that people are judged - that people are perceived differently because there's a lot of intolerance out there. Too many people cast off others for not seeing things the way that they see it. THAT is judgmental. I judge no one other than myself. It's not my right or my intent. But now, as I've opened the door, I've been judged and will continue to be judged by others. I can't control their thoughts or their ability to deal with how I feel about something that is so sensitive and close to them.

I realize these posts have opened the door to a place that I hesitated going for years. As I stated at the beginning of this post, I regret doing it at this point. As I said, I will be seen differently from now on - it makes me sad but it is true. And I only hope that the people that care and respect me can try their best to understand what I believe, why I believe it, and what my intentions were in sharing it. The ball is in your court now, not mine...

To everyone - thank you.